求高人帮我看看我的task 1 能到几分

很窘迫，以前没有参加过雅思，不知道写作处于一个什么水平，求助大家帮忙看看这样写task1能拿到多少分，帮我改改语法错误也好，谢谢，感激不尽~
0 I# r1 D+ ~3 O' z题目：
. X, y" B3 y) ^# h+ bThe graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries , countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not.
0 F" `* E5 x$ U4 [3 c" _2 p, q图搞不上来了，见谅阿~
本人写的内容：
2 o0 s3 B- k8 U+ q; X+ i! gThe graph illustrates how the percentage of average anual gross domestic product change in the period from 1960s to 1990s in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globisers.
As can be seen from the bar chart, the percengtage of GDP fell dramaticly from 4.8% to 2.8% until 1970s in rich coutries. It kept decrease tendency to 2% in a decade from 1970s to 1990s in same kinds of countries.
$ P' q; E4 g2 }$ u2 gOnthe contray, the percentage of  globerlies GDP grow to 3.2% from 1.2% duir the period from 1960s to 1980s. The speed of GDP growth acclerated and climbed to 4.9% in 1990s.
7 u; l% Z7 a3 w0 k  _" z) hTurning to non -globalisers whose GDPgrowthe fluctuated during four decade from 1960s to 1990s. The average annual GDP of non-globalises witness a gradually  increase to 3.2% and 1.3% from 1960s to 1970s and from 1980s to 1990s respectively. However, it also showed a sharply decline to 0.8% from 3.2% over a period between 1970s and 1980s.

差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

雅思哥 发表于 2012-5-3 22:35
差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

" U& N- e; c: U/ ~: A谢谢，等我攒多几个金币我发上task1和task2，麻烦你到时候帮我看看评个分吧！！！！感激不尽了！！！！

能通过是多少分啊？
' M% `7 d7 |, i+ X8 K3 L错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-5 21:57
1 P' b8 d  \* L+ z2 g能通过是多少分啊？
错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

rosexwliu 发表于 2012-5-6 13:07
怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

$ @3 |; N5 I% u; v2 n
  G2 v( I4 K# J- o2 z其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
' X$ ~( i' C5 `* W$ Y! t: Q4 s比如，写作教科书，简单点的
$ u0 {- ~. N& u# ?2 x我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordination toward coherence没完全读懂，呵呵
) @( w; n/ {( {* C: h/ ?这书的招，除了grammer cohension，还有semantic cohension，后者更重要

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-6 14:09
其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
5 _  a/ R) k8 J0 v5 y比如，写作教科书，简单点的
& D5 A$ H. m; \, O- U; f我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordina ...

) L# u7 L- Z1 ~' W 多谢多谢,等我的金币够了再大小作文一起发,麻烦来看看啊~~

you xie xue cuowu

同求问！！！！！！！！