雅思论坛

标题: 请雅思哥或者作文好的同学帮忙修改下我写的作文，谢谢。 [打印本页]

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-16 21:10
标题: 请雅思哥或者作文好的同学帮忙修改下我写的作文，谢谢。
本人快考雅思了，心里非常着急，作文不知道怎么样，所以在这里求助各位大牛，大家在帮忙改正的基础上能给个评定也可以。小女非常感激！
题目：the tendency of news reports focus on the problems and emergencies rather than positive development is harmful to individual and to society. To what extent do you agree or disagree。

正文：Nowadays, the news reports tend to focus on the problems and emergencies, some people believe that it does harm to individuals and society, but others concerned that it is useful for human beings knowing about the issue of society, and people could protect themselves.

the objective reports of our society may attract terrify and it also enables individuals not to trust the government . On the other word, the government is untrustworthy. But on the other hand, the bad influential realistic news will make individuals pay attention to the hidden trouble. For instance, the safety of food, transportation safety, health problems and so forth. The problems and emergencies can rise people’s awareness of safety. That is the best way for human beings get a clear perspective of our society.

While, the positive reports keep individuals feeling safe and stable. Human beings are still believe that they have a n excellent government. It is beneficial to the government, but it runs contrary to the realistic phenomenon of society. They hide the truth from the residents. Once the issues occurred, the government will lose the trust of people.

As far as I am concerned, the news should be based on realistic, not for the sake of beautifying our society, even the news is objective, but it enables us to know our country very well.

作者: duoduoshaoshao1 时间: 2012-4-16 22:36
真心地建议，如果是4月21日考，一，一定要仔细把关，确保写出的都是完整句；二，尽量减少双谓语的句子，使用非谓语或者从句处理。。。。。。。。。背背范文吧，不要太复杂的。我不忙就帮你了。

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-16 22:45

duoduoshaoshao1 发表于 2012-4-16 22:36 ) n7 t/ S0 B6 Y2 S0 P1 F0 c
真心地建议，如果是4月21日考，一，一定要仔细把关，确保写出的都是完整句；二，尽量减少双谓语的句子，使 ...

之前背了点慎小嶷的作文，最后放弃了，想自己写作文。毕竟不是自己写的东西，记忆下来非常难。希望能帮下我，好迷茫。

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-16 22:48

duoduoshaoshao1 发表于 2012-4-16 22:36 / R6 |; h" c* {& M5 g
真心地建议，如果是4月21日考，一，一定要仔细把关，确保写出的都是完整句；二，尽量减少双谓语的句子，使 ...

还有就是我语法不好。

作者: 优化人生 时间: 2012-4-17 16:29
不错啊。。。

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-17 16:35

优化人生发表于 2012-4-17 16:29 3 I! U3 P- N" m: A5 t+ A) L( K/ Q# B
不错啊。。。

我里面有什么写的不对的希望朋友能帮忙指正。

作者: IELTS哥 时间: 2012-4-18 20:07
大概5.5样子，没细看

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-18 22:19
:'(这个是我写的最好的作文啊。。。

作者: I_love_Neal_Caf 时间: 2012-4-18 22:20

雅思哥发表于 2012-4-18 20:07
9 K' J+ g9 t; v% W大概5.5样子，没细看

我该怎么办？这个是我写的最好的呀，别的烂的就别提了。。

作者: chaoaijin 时间: 2012-4-21 11:00
四个板块最苦手的就是作文和口语OTZ

作者: MooreYuan 时间: 2012-4-27 12:32
LZ介个大作还不错其实

有些代词的指代功能没用好

鄙人改第一段，练练手啊
Nowadays, the news reports tend to focus on the problems and emergencies, some people believe that it does harm to
individuals and society, but others concerned that it is useful for human beings knowing about the issue of society, and
people could protect themselves.

【Nowadays, news reports tend to focus on the problems and emergencies. Some people believe that this does harm individuals and society, but others concern that it is useful for human beings to know about the issues of society, and that people could protect themselves.】

作者: MooreYuan 时间: 2012-4-27 16:53

作者: zhaoqingquan90 时间: 2012-6-7 19:43
四个板块最苦手的就是作文和口语OTZ

作者: lailai1019 时间: 2012-6-30 19:03
同觉得作文和口语好难的:Q

作者: 凡毓 时间: 2012-7-1 08:00
这个作文不容易上6，但是也不会下5，主要是句型，几乎全部都是简单句。建议尝试使用倒装句，强调句，同位语，定语从句等等。另外，改作文是件挺头疼的事，很难在网上找到免费但是又认真帮忙改的。我前男友是中国人，在淘宝上找到卖家肯帮改的，据说还不错，你可以试试。
或者如果你在国外，又是女生，那么可以找外籍男友帮忙看看，或者是老师，如果他们比较疼爱你，希望多了解你，会天天帮你改日记，我就是这样慢慢提高的。主要吧，中国人最常犯的错还是the, a, an 等等，这些错犯了，很难上6分的，另外就是句法了，多看看英文报纸。其实主要还是看你要拿几分，如果你只想6，对你还是很容易的，如果想7以上，恐怕要费点功夫了。

作者: Beckyxue 时间: 2013-1-17 15:55
你好，我大致看了看，你的语法好多错误，如：I

作者: 518sky 时间: 2017-5-10 20:58
扫了两眼，感觉很别扭

欢迎光临雅思论坛 (https://bbs.ieltschn.com/)