标题: 630广州首战:求人帮看作文,给个分让我知道自己的水平吧!!! [打印本页] 作者: rosexwliu 时间: 2012-6-24 20:08 标题: 630广州首战:求人帮看作文,给个分让我知道自己的水平吧!!! 小作文b2t2 1 ~. {/ n; [" d9 V
The bar chat illustrate how amount of leisure time spent by males and females in different employment status between the year from 1989 to 1999. : M* m. T9 v( W9 P5 A9 z! fFirstly, both unemployed and retailed people spend a majority of time for relaxing and fun in a week. Unemployed and retailed males have 80 hours of leisure in a typical week, while females in same employment status enjoy 70 hours of leisure time. Turning to employed full time males and females, they only spending 50 and 37 hours respectively a week' |' @0 ?+ }+ }; C7 ~; l4 j9 ]
Women who are employed part-time and housewives got similar leisure time in a week time. Employed part-time women have 40 hours as well as those housewives enjoy 50 hours. However, neither employed part-time males nor house bud." O/ p" n; B7 D) e0 {9 h
As conclusion, most people who get a job would spend less time in leisure than people who do not have a job. * W6 z6 _2 H/ t' } 1 m! v9 ]* h5 Z1 V2 g4 B: M8 f8 P大作文题目Traffic and housing problems in major cities could be solved by moving large companies and factories and their employees to the countryside. To extent do you agree or disagree. , Z6 M* n( `, a% d1 g$ ^$ p7 q' u: p7 y9 T+ t
With the acceleration of economy, there are increasingly large companies and factories moving to countryside. But now some people cannot agree on the issue that traffic and housing problems in city centers would be solved if companies and employees moved to rural areas. As for myself, I also disagree on it.$ N" G7 I& p7 f2 U2 S
. i2 x4 _+ q2 T) n gPeople who agree on it show an attitude that traffic situation in countryside always more smooth than that in cities. It is convenience for companies to transport their goods because those goods lorry no need to go through cities where always have traffic jam. Besides, factories spend less money to build housing building in suburban areas, as the price of land is undoubtly cheaper than that in cities. Turning to employees, they can live in the companies housing which save their time to go to work. Consequently, people who agree on this issue show a strong view that if traffic and housing problems can be solved, large companies and factories and employees would agree to move in countryside, 8 n6 L4 e8 p. n0 F' [ % P5 L. \( Y q& {0 l7 v4 U/ Q8 F) OIn terms of that people living in countryside disagree with this issue, saying that there are many serious problems may be cause if moving their companies to rural areas in order to solve traffics and housing problem. Firstly, countryside infrastructure facilities such as transportation and communication systems are poor which may cause less investors. Without a completed road system in suburban, some goods may deliver lately. Secondly, employees who live in factories housing may have large working pressure because there are less entertainment facilities in rural. In this way, they cannot enjoy those fantastic city night lives, which cause unfitness. In a word, both the companies and employees cannot benefit from moving to suburban. * Y% O/ E' [% n* m/ J+ ~: ^. P, w( U
According myself, I also disagree on this issue for following reasons. Although employees who live in company housing in weekday really save time to sleep, this working way may actually arise family problems. For example, children education may be ignored because of parent absent. Parent cannot help them solve difficult homework and children are poorly discipline without supervision. What’s more, it may result in high divorce rate. So I do not approve that moving companies to suburban if we solve traffic and housing problems.2 A* r/ c% Y) `- [, f$ o7 R 作者: IELTS哥 时间: 2012-6-24 20:08
大概6分左右吧作者: 阿小托·我 时间: 2012-6-24 21:21
illustrate 应该是单数s. H1 s, [* r+ K7 Z( C; k
spend time/money on sth & o' |3 Y [5 l7 Xspend time/money in doing sth6 D, f5 Z8 |9 I3 Z
所以应该把spend 后面的for变成on 4 _4 u; [2 K( j0 b( e$ W% G5 A Turning to employed full time males and females, they only spending 50 and 37 hours respectively a week.,,这是非谓语开头的复合句，主句在后面，所以后面的主句谓语应该是常态而不是ing形式( V- b0 y* U& K/ t- @- }& h
最后是In conclusion,,而不是as 哟~~3 o5 C& v* P( ^5 b! J& \/ b
思路比较清晰，比较的思想也很到位 ( ^$ o. F9 D" F! p. L+ d就是有些比较基础的语法错误，不知是不是有点紧张还是笔误哈~~# `; D5 L, _. ? I
努力努力~