求高人帮我看看我的task 1 能到几分

很窘迫，以前没有参加过雅思，不知道写作处于一个什么水平，求助大家帮忙看看这样写task1能拿到多少分，帮我改改语法错误也好，谢谢，感激不尽~
9 r6 C$ |; Y( g6 h题目：
The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries , countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not.
图搞不上来了，见谅阿~
0 I: W( }5 m" Y, T/ P( ^" @本人写的内容：
The graph illustrates how the percentage of average anual gross domestic product change in the period from 1960s to 1990s in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globisers.
As can be seen from the bar chart, the percengtage of GDP fell dramaticly from 4.8% to 2.8% until 1970s in rich coutries. It kept decrease tendency to 2% in a decade from 1970s to 1990s in same kinds of countries.
/ r8 m5 Y" v; r9 GOnthe contray, the percentage of  globerlies GDP grow to 3.2% from 1.2% duir the period from 1960s to 1980s. The speed of GDP growth acclerated and climbed to 4.9% in 1990s.
Turning to non -globalisers whose GDPgrowthe fluctuated during four decade from 1960s to 1990s. The average annual GDP of non-globalises witness a gradually  increase to 3.2% and 1.3% from 1960s to 1970s and from 1980s to 1990s respectively. However, it also showed a sharply decline to 0.8% from 3.2% over a period between 1970s and 1980s.

差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

雅思哥 发表于 2012-5-3 22:35
差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

谢谢，等我攒多几个金币我发上task1和task2，麻烦你到时候帮我看看评个分吧！！！！感激不尽了！！！！

能通过是多少分啊？
错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-5 21:57
能通过是多少分啊？
* D+ B( N6 F, X. }' ~错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

rosexwliu 发表于 2012-5-6 13:07
怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

2 H0 b  D6 a1 G2 J" m8 m其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
! _  R# u) Z/ p8 M) h; V& c' q比如，写作教科书，简单点的
我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordination toward coherence没完全读懂，呵呵
9 }- J* ^3 m! j* c这书的招，除了grammer cohension，还有semantic cohension，后者更重要

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-6 14:09
1 [9 u9 Q1 y# D; W' M其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
" ]- i! S+ a0 H7 o( }+ h+ z比如，写作教科书，简单点的
8 f8 j5 h. S' q* Q我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordina ...

多谢多谢,等我的金币够了再大小作文一起发,麻烦来看看啊~~

you xie xue cuowu

同求问！！！！！！！！