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求作文大神指教!!不胜感激!!

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Anivle 发表于 2012-10-27 21:13:13 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |正序浏览 |阅读模式
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题目是some people think that the Olympic champions contribute more to their countries than the scientists and teachers, what's your opinion 下面是本菜鸟写的 望大神指导
- L; m- E( l5 K" J4 g, _; k+ I                                                                             Equal in this way
0 A  `4 {( U9 o3 }( u8 L   Though the 2012 Olympic Games in London are fading out of our horizon, it still leaves us some questions to discuss further. Thus, people begin to take the question---whether the Olympic champions or the scientists and the teachers contribute more to their own countries---into consideration. * q4 f  ]" |5 f' S, W
  When being asked about this issue, different people hold different ideas. Some people deem that the champions do contribute more to their motherland than other people owing to the superior honour they gain for their countries in the international stage. Furthermore, the spirit they demonstrate thoroughly reveal the core value of their countries and give the audience all over the world a better understanding of their homeland.
% Q4 ^5 Y$ ]% s# b  Apart from the idea above, other people consider this question from another perspective habouring the viewpoint that the scientists and the teachers are the people who make the most contribution to their nations. Admittedly, scientists as they are, they devote themselves to the technical development of their countries; teachers as they are, they dedicate themselves to teaching the young generation without any complain. Though it is their duty, it is admirable and respectable.- Y4 B$ T' C5 s& }( Z0 d
  As far as I am concerned, I don’t absolutely agree with the two ideas discussed above because I deem that no matter who we are and what we do, once we are taking action out of our patriotism, we contributes to our countries equally, and always equal in this way." o& [( ?. q6 H1 N# w! Y

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地板
白婉 发表于 2017-2-16 17:53:28 | 只看该作者
多处搭配不当,如:" X9 _5 }% `9 Z4 s. y
7 n4 l; M# U  E7 a7 |- S! N& rtake question into consideration,$ n8 k  G. T) y6 j5 k, B- o' d$ H
honour...gain
$ r% ?8 e  b4 b& min...stage& Y7 l+ X# \4 U* D9 O1 _& Z
! b8 y3 J4 L' b, _3 r" D. }throughly9 ]& e" Z* R/ q0 T" G& E
spirit...demonstrate' T9 L$ j( ~% L% L6 N4 e3 j* P+ B9 m
don't absolutely# O8 u' R" g# a3 [* W( @
7 Y  ]0 Z1 A$ D  @0 K8 R代词的使用其实很难(英文有个"限定词"概念,语法书没重视)。9 C1 C4 O; Z3 w  c: C8 z; _# H2 g( S* A' `. o1 f3 N
上文中用了很多代词,已经很不错了,3 y5 z/ E4 h- ~, r5 Q  N: k2 `/ i$ K$ n5 K
不过仍有不妥。,如:5 a4 f/ L9 I& F0 L. c8 R5 ]+ j7 l! A
this question(因为前面已用this issue,不如用the issue)& ~" o; ^$ v( b% I
it is their...(不如This is their...)& N+ I, B0 `# v4 z, Z! ?
are the people(不如those people,或those), M  A8 G$ d2 m5 y$ \# Q. O2 A' D& _& }+ Y
5 e; R5 [& V# }4 b7 _3 V
此外,还有句型选用,句间连接,以及连贯性与协调类不妥
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板凳
aaa222 发表于 2016-11-13 14:33:25 来自手机 | 只看该作者
同求问!!!!!!
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沙发
MooreYuan 发表于 2013-4-10 06:23:47 | 只看该作者
多处搭配不当,如:9 ?! A6 d8 h) G4 t
take question into consideration,% E) w$ S, D8 q* n2 U
honour...gain! l+ I3 V2 ^0 e( }
in...stage0 d$ O- {. t" K8 b  O1 {: t! |. ^+ F
throughly) A1 {1 y" y  p7 A8 Y  T, _
spirit...demonstrate& M  G; X' L+ s* `, H# M
don't absolutely
( x$ ^4 q: @. E9 q6 ]( q5 E& [' e代词的使用其实很难(英文有个"限定词"概念,语法书没重视)。  J% \. {" t% l4 p3 T( @5 h8 [
上文中用了很多代词,已经很不错了; c; ]$ Z& S9 g3 j. E
不过仍有不妥。,如:2 m. z; o2 _6 m
this question(因为前面已用this issue,不如用the issue)
: m9 {0 w, c/ j/ |( r9 Xit is their...(不如This is their...)
5 d% E( A+ ]- M0 `. r% Mare the people(不如those people,或those)
, v2 E, v$ a0 X+ z4 s) D+ o% _
; g4 Z! ^5 ?( r- k: c3 I) I  |此外,还有句型选用,句间连接,以及连贯性与协调类不妥
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