求高人帮我看看我的task 1 能到几分

很窘迫，以前没有参加过雅思，不知道写作处于一个什么水平，求助大家帮忙看看这样写task1能拿到多少分，帮我改改语法错误也好，谢谢，感激不尽~
& ^% A9 y: w, T% G+ X- {题目：
The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries , countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not.
% `: X/ b4 E* O- [图搞不上来了，见谅阿~
1 D8 f& ~4 k1 N0 p2 t本人写的内容：
! Z/ c' z- v& Z2 D# u/ a, nThe graph illustrates how the percentage of average anual gross domestic product change in the period from 1960s to 1990s in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globisers.
4 |( w$ z6 n4 F7 ]- |3 J* p: XAs can be seen from the bar chart, the percengtage of GDP fell dramaticly from 4.8% to 2.8% until 1970s in rich coutries. It kept decrease tendency to 2% in a decade from 1970s to 1990s in same kinds of countries.
Onthe contray, the percentage of  globerlies GDP grow to 3.2% from 1.2% duir the period from 1960s to 1980s. The speed of GDP growth acclerated and climbed to 4.9% in 1990s.
8 t- l0 m4 E; [; m! {5 H) J6 NTurning to non -globalisers whose GDPgrowthe fluctuated during four decade from 1960s to 1990s. The average annual GDP of non-globalises witness a gradually  increase to 3.2% and 1.3% from 1960s to 1970s and from 1980s to 1990s respectively. However, it also showed a sharply decline to 0.8% from 3.2% over a period between 1970s and 1980s.

差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

雅思哥 发表于 2012-5-3 22:35
差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

谢谢，等我攒多几个金币我发上task1和task2，麻烦你到时候帮我看看评个分吧！！！！感激不尽了！！！！

能通过是多少分啊？
0 F: _" F2 C8 c) t错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-5 21:57
能通过是多少分啊？
错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

, N7 i" P0 ~/ }怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

rosexwliu 发表于 2012-5-6 13:07
怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
$ W0 d8 n' ^8 @4 k比如，写作教科书，简单点的
我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordination toward coherence没完全读懂，呵呵
这书的招，除了grammer cohension，还有semantic cohension，后者更重要

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-6 14:09
其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
+ ^% {4 d) `$ _5 H9 S9 k( U7 z比如，写作教科书，简单点的
我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordina ...

多谢多谢,等我的金币够了再大小作文一起发,麻烦来看看啊~~

you xie xue cuowu

同求问！！！！！！！！