求高人帮我看看我的task 1 能到几分

很窘迫，以前没有参加过雅思，不知道写作处于一个什么水平，求助大家帮忙看看这样写task1能拿到多少分，帮我改改语法错误也好，谢谢，感激不尽~
( \$ X( p& `* l+ E1 B题目：
The graph below shows the average growth in domestic products in wealthy countries , countries that have adopted a global approach to business and countries that have not.
  J5 z& w) S) `4 s( q图搞不上来了，见谅阿~
5 b3 M2 F% B: ]% B' L本人写的内容：
! e$ T/ w- N; D1 F2 B- A1 C$ dThe graph illustrates how the percentage of average anual gross domestic product change in the period from 1960s to 1990s in wealthy countries, globalisers and non-globisers.
As can be seen from the bar chart, the percengtage of GDP fell dramaticly from 4.8% to 2.8% until 1970s in rich coutries. It kept decrease tendency to 2% in a decade from 1970s to 1990s in same kinds of countries.
% G2 m& O# t6 SOnthe contray, the percentage of  globerlies GDP grow to 3.2% from 1.2% duir the period from 1960s to 1980s. The speed of GDP growth acclerated and climbed to 4.9% in 1990s.
( @" ?8 m' ~0 {: t% R' D" PTurning to non -globalisers whose GDPgrowthe fluctuated during four decade from 1960s to 1990s. The average annual GDP of non-globalises witness a gradually  increase to 3.2% and 1.3% from 1960s to 1970s and from 1980s to 1990s respectively. However, it also showed a sharply decline to 0.8% from 3.2% over a period between 1970s and 1980s.

差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

雅思哥 发表于 2012-5-3 22:35
差不多能通过的样子；具体作文得分看大作文表现

- n# N  c3 n# S3 i谢谢，等我攒多几个金币我发上task1和task2，麻烦你到时候帮我看看评个分吧！！！！感激不尽了！！！！

能通过是多少分啊？
; K( r4 ?( u- m) }错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-5 21:57
能通过是多少分啊？
, k9 a9 e6 H3 {" E: u5 u7 W错误还是有滴，几处冠词误用，句型有些变化但缺少流畅感。

怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

rosexwliu 发表于 2012-5-6 13:07
! E8 u  _9 r* x( L+ F* r% `' V怎么样才有流畅感,可不可以给点例子吖?

" j1 }$ ]) e; r  G5 K' a其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
7 _8 M* [& E) ~5 I6 _. P比如，写作教科书，简单点的
我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordination toward coherence没完全读懂，呵呵
这书的招，除了grammer cohension，还有semantic cohension，后者更重要

MooreYuan 发表于 2012-5-6 14:09
& s2 b  {& {& ^( N3 U' y" H) @其实要看几本书，不是专门对准雅思
! N8 S) k3 E& ^+ t- r9 E& v比如，写作教科书，简单点的
1 n* [3 T+ h9 I" g9 _) B我还读过一本下载的英文书，Coordina ...

: e1 R1 B1 W  i9 X1 G. ` 多谢多谢,等我的金币够了再大小作文一起发,麻烦来看看啊~~

you xie xue cuowu

同求问！！！！！！！！